Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
