Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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