I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
