she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
