drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize