I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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