I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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