Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
