hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
