I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
