so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
