The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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