Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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