The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
