No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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