I could make wine with my vomit
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
