Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
