Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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