I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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