I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize