Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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