jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
