I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
