Need sex. Gaining weight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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