dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
