she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
