so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
