You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
