Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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