don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The struggles of a small town man whore
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
