Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
