Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
