You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
