Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
