I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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