She's JV to your varsity
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
