dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
