You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
