I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
