Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
