im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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