His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
