Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My vagina is very pro this idea
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
