I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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