The maid of honor just puked.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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