So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
