one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
