hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
