i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
