I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
