I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
one might say we're banned from that church
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
