I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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