"it" just moved
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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