ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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