I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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