He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
