No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
