It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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