I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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