lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
