life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
