last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
