Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
