i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize