I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
