uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
