Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When are your genitals available?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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