FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm really busy with my period
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