Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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