I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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