maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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