I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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