You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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