thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
