Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
