Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
