There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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