end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
