Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
