i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
