some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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