ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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