why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
