with your own penis?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the day after is always just damage control
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
