i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
