the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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